so afraid to love you / but more afraid to lose
Affiliates/Links: Adelaide Agnes Amanda Apple April Avere Benda Carmen Cherie Congle Corrina Daphne Denise Denise Devin Fiona Gigi Hanxin Huayu Huiwen J-ing Jaslyn Jeslyn Jiaen Jianying Jiaying Joanne Joanne Joanne Jodie Kellie Kelly Leejie Liying Nicholas Peiyu Sarah Serene Shawn Stephanie Szelei Szeqian Wenjie Xingyu Yunting Yvonne Yvonne W514
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I need a listening ear.
Went out with wendy today. Accompanied her to ikea to get her stuffs. Went to far east after that. Wanted to hunt for jobs but only managed to went in for interview for some job only. Then walk to Ngee Ann city and look for the job agency. Filled in informations, short interview. Went to slack around with wendy. I don't know why i get tired very easily these few days. :/ I need to go to gym soon. Starting to grow horizontally. -.- But i very lazy sial. -.-
I FEEL LIKE EATING ICE CREAM. :( But i'm supposed to be on diet. Damn. My passport going to expire soon. :( Need to redo a new one or not i cannot go Genting and KL with Liying and co. I want to play Pet society but facebook lagging! :@ Not my day. -.- I get very lazy to reply messages these few days too. Keep replying short short ones, or don't reply. :p Yay, pet society can load.
I don't know why but i feel damn lost nowadays. :/ Like, i'm in my own world, people are in theirs? -.- I feel so insecure and unsafe. :o There seems to be a barrier. Idk why i don't like going out already, don't like certain things anymore. Because of the break up? IDK. -.- Nobody understand. :/ Feel so isolated? Is this pms? Aiyaaaaaaaaaa. I don't know why i'll have this feeling also la. Weird. :/
Feel so fat. -.-
I don't feel like blogging. LOL. I just want to say i miss my old fringe. The current one really sucks. Look like some cheena doll. -.- Jodie say its jean yip style. :( I miss the straight fringe. Fringe grow faster and straighter please!!!!!!! :(
Sucks. Everything sucks. Blister again. -.- Not going to dye my hair already. :( I scared it will damage my hair because i just did treatment and rebonding. Not working at kbox already. Too young. Lame lor, they only accept 17. -.- The eye liner really sucks. LOL. Practically everything just sucks for me today lor. -.- Very very tired, :(
HAPPY ADVANCE BIRTHDAY PEA LIYING! :D
i know you must be damn happy to hold somebody's hand righttttttt. Heeheeheehee.
Never gonna be alone.♥
helloooooo. :) IT fair today was kind of boring? Bought my camera. heart pain because i used my own money. I'm working soon! 2 jobs available for me. Interview tomorrow after service. So long never fellowship already. I can finally wash my hair tomorrowwwww! LOL. Sound so dirty. Hahahaha. Thank God these few days were rainy days. I had my heels mended today. So i can wear tomorrow! ^^ Although the 4 inch make my leg damn pain, but still.... ai mei ma. :p I ALMOST LOST MY KEYCHAIN TODAY! :( Phew.
I seriously feel damn dumb. Stupidly accept something without knowing what is it about. Shitttttt. :( I think i'll be a joke man!
I love being your best friend. :) I hope things are right this way? You said that it might be wrong but idk toooooo. :( You're my friend, you're my friend, you're my friend! Only friend! Argh. Being friend is really better than girlfriend. I think i'm starting to let go already. Great!
♥ Happy pig. :p
I feel like dying my hair. :)
Chiffon beige or marshmellow brown?
Initially wanted to window shop with jeslyn today. But we ended up buying things until i was damn damn broke. It sucks to be broke kay! I bought pretty eye lashes. I love it so much, Hee hee hee hee. Bought a top too. I'm going for IT fair with jeslyn tomorrow! Hahahaha.
You told me you missed the time we had too. :D I'm starting to miss youuuuuuuuuuu. :( I feel like blogging on one of the day that left the deepest impression on me. On th 25th april, i texted you in the morning because i was sick. Had diarrhea and feeling faint. You got damn worried and cab down to school, waited for my chem focus to end and you sent me home by bus. :) You waited for me to bathe and get ready downstairs. Despite waiting for 1 hour plus, you never felt upset. You accompanied me to vivo to celebrate PL day with the rest. You went off first and met me after that. Even when you have to travel from vivo to jurong and back to tiong, you never mind.
The most memorable times were not well kept. I wished i could turn back time and i'll note down everything that had happened between us in a diary. But now, i can only keep those vague memories in a diary. I start to write out everything that happened. And my feelings and thoughts now. The ring you gave, i used it as a keychain. Our picture became my screen saver. Your name still has a heart shape. :) I don't like sudden changes to things around me. So i have to slowly adapt to it. But i feel happier now. Because you're so free and happy. Seeing you happy and messaging me like how we used to, made me felt happier than before. Nobody is suffering now. It seems like nothing has happened, we're like normal friends. Just closer than before. :)
Warning: Pictureful. :)
Many many pictures on prom. Some pictures make me look damn fat. :( Depressed. Okay, maybe i'm fat. Hmm, monday was make up at Jodie's house, Thanks Jo!!!!! I love you very very much. :P I'll not tell people your studying hour was only 2 hours. HAHAHAHA. :P Then cab to Concode with wendy. Went to look for jeslyn and others in the hotel room. Went back to the lobby there to meet the others. Then started camwhoring. :]
The dinner started. Don't really have the appetite at all. Some things seem to be bothering me these few days. Idk what as well. The heart just feels empty and just don't feel hungry at all. Weird. :/ I eat until i want to die. So i stopped eating at the 4th or 5th course. Then started taking pictures. Our class surprised miss chu by singing her birthday song. Hahahaha. She seems really touched. :)
Had some games and our table won a teddy piggy bank. The balloon game was damn unglam. Literally took my heels off and burst the balloon. Lol. The whole thing ended at around 10 plus or so. Started cam spamming till 11 plus. Szeqian have to start chasing all of us out or we won't be able to catch the last train. Thats when people started crying. Left there, cab to Cash studio. Couldn't really get high initially. :( Some songs they sang made me cry. So they changed songs. LOL. Damn sorry. :( Left there at around 2 plus. Reached home at 3 plus. Slept at 4 and woke up at 8. -.- Crazy. Then started again. -.-
You see my eyes damn shag. :/
Andrina.
Wendy.
4E3.
Jy.
Amanda.
Miss chu.
Carmen.
Dance members.
Evelyn.
Melissa.
Carmen, Liying.
Jolene.
Keegan.
1E3, 2E3
Eriza, roxanne, liying, wendy.
Mrs Lee.
Jarrett.
Mr Wan.
Kenn.
Kenn and shawn.
Roxanne.
Fir.
Hafis and fir.
Xinyi.
Joshua.
Hafis.
Shawn.
Yvonne.
Kelly.
Mr Tie.
Mrs Koh.
Clique. Love everyone.
Mr Lim.
Huimin.
Jeanine.
Siti.
Syafiqah.
Reena.
Jiasheng.
Jifeng.
Liying.
Tung.
Aphicha.
Choon poh.
J-ing.
Jeslyn and adeline.
Kellie.
Clique.
Shaula.
I went for rebonding today. Quite okay. Worrying about how am i gonna sleep later. Lol. Time for tv.
Its over. 8 months of love. I don't wish to end this relationship but there is nothing i can do either. I wouldn't forget all the memories we once shared. The places we went together, the things we said to each other. It is so difficult to understand guys and love. I have to learn to be alone. This relationship is the most unforgettable one, the longest one. I won't forget you. I don't know how long will it takes for me to get over you. Its so hard to let go. I don't blame anyone at all. I regretted not cherishing more of the time we once spent together. Why must there always be an ending to everything? Nobody did anything wrongly. We were once deeply in love with each other. But i want to be more than just friends. I can't help but to not let go. I know its quite bad for me to cling on. People might tell me to cheer up and let go. But its so much easier said than done. I kept dwelling on the past happiness. You said we could be more than just friends after our break up. I look forward to our next meeting up. As best friends. :) I love you. Probably the last time i'm saying it already. Thank you for giving me all the happy memories. The time from Feb 2009 till Oct 2009 were the best time i had. The unconditional love you showered me with. Your patience and tolerance, the surprises you always gave me. They will forever be kept in my mind. Although you made me sad and heartbroken sometimes, but you never fail to make up for every hurt you caused. :) You're really sweet, Like marshmellow. :p If you still remember the long long messages. :) The 22 pages of love you wanna say to me, the 10 pages of i love you. Everything. They are the best memories. I'll miss the time i lie on you. The worrying face of yours when i fell sick. I hope you will find a better girl! :) I'm really glad that we are still messaging as normal. This perhaps will help me to get over you soon. And its the happier way out.
Thank you Amanda, Huijie, Liying, Sze qian, Carmen, Wendy, Jaslyn, Huimin, Leejie and others if i left out your name. :x For listening to all my stuffs. You guys are the best. And not to forget, soon to come, Jeremy. Jaslyn is my BFF, he is my best friend. :p (although jodie say can only have one.:x)
How do i continue smiling without you,
I hate to part.